how I deal with difficult family members : cynosure : love + inspiration by sui solitaire

My grandmother + me at 4. Isn’t she badass?
She is not one of the difficult family members I’m writing about, though admittedly sometimes our interactions were difficult– but that’s the case with any human relationship, isn’t it?

I love her; she practically raised me. Rest in peace, 2009.

Over the weekend, I answered this query on the letter:

I grew up in a nonsupportive-I-wanna-leave-home-NOW place, was depressed and finally left home to pursue my dreams, only getting scared again and having to move back home. Which was more depressing, I’ve had suicidal moments too. So basically I’ve been home all the time half of the time in bed, wondering what I should do next.

I wanted to ask you how you deal with your family. I’m living my parents now, but I literally want to flee my house NOW and never look back. My parents and I live in silence, and I don’t know if I want to have them in my life even after I move out.

I received this from a warrior a while ago, and I sat on it. I ended up sitting on it for two months, apparently. But I kind of knew that I would want to write about when I actually was in the experience of being around my family again, which happens to be this past week.

Which hasn’t been the best week of my year. (But, I’ve had worse– and I’m accepting of, even barely-content with, my situation, which is more than I could have said had I been here just a few months ago.)

This is something I have never revealed publicly:

[..]

The rest of the letter will be sent to you tomorrow. This is a story I really wish I could share publicly but simply can’t because there are other parties involved. Still, it’s very new for me to be sharing about this.

If you’re interested, I invite you to receive more from me on the list.

Got a question? Ask away and I may answer here on the blog or the list.

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Today is also the last day I’m in the United States for the rest of the year.

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